Lately I’ve noticed an influx of attention. I don’t think others have changed, I think it’s me. And it’s not that all of a sudden I’m looking for attention. I think my being, my body, my attitude has changed. I’ve become a much more casual person. I used to be very uptight and serious, and recently I realized that sometimes I need to let my guard down, and others have noticed. I’ve gotten a lot of attention at work. It’s not really wanted, and it may get me in trouble soon, but it’s interesting. I’ve gotten a little tanner, a little more carefree and guys in particular have become a little more interested. I’ve been toying with them here and there, but nothing serious.
Moving to a new area, a college campus, has really given me a new perspective. At work, I’m a little more confident, here, I’m a little more shy and timid. I don’t know how to meet people. Funny how the transfer of energy works.
I spent this entire semester focusing on myself. I regarded myself as the highest place to put forth my efforts. And it worked. I did exceptionally well in my courses, took on a job that I love(most of the time), and learned a lot about my attitude towards others, my judgment, and even my hopes and desires. I ignored guys to focus on myself, but I may have jeopardized my ability to read them, understand them, and respond to them. I feel like guys only use me and I don’t want to be that girl. I spent the entire semester alone until the last week when I hooked up with a good friend. I presumed that because a guy did not want a relationship, guys were not interested in me for more than just sex. This makes me feel used, cheap, and worthless. However, I know am worth so much more than that. I never settle. But settling for just sex doesn’t seem too awful if I’m not even being offered a real chance at anything. My trust and faith in men has slowly dwindled and I’m not sure I’m come from that for a while. I’m just looking for a guy to sweep me off my feet, and I’m not too sure that exists here in DC.
No one should feel bad about themselves for something like this. I will continue being level headed and strong. I may alone as level headed and strong, but that’s okay. The attention I’m receiving seems odd. It’s almost a facade, but I’ll take it. After 6 months of internal focusing and building myself up, I need someone else to appreciate me, even if it is for a superficial minute.
You learn so many things when you reflect.
Your Superfood is Junk 