My birthday is tomorrow, but I keep forgetting.
I deactivated my Facebook about 4 months ago, looking for peace in my life, mainly from the absence of people’s ridiculous lives. It’s not that I don’t care about others, because I do. But I just couldn’t keep caring about who was going on vacation, who was breaking up, and who was having a baby. I didn’t want to look at pictures of everyone’s drunken escapades. But I also missed out on calendar events, such as who was having a farewell party, who was performing, and who was going to a movie. Finally, I missed birthdays. Now being in college, I see people all the time and find out when it is their birthday and I can always congratulate them, even if it is a week late. I don’t feel like it is insincere at all just because I missed their birthday. But I feel like I have forgotten the concept of a birthday. I don’t have the constant reminder that someone is celebrating, and for that reason, I forgot my birthday this year.
My mom called about 2 weeks ago to ask what I wanted for my birthday and I was taken aback. I had completely forgotten that birthdays were a thing. Granted, I have been busy with work and school, but really? It’s my birthday. For the last two weeks, people keep asking what I want to do for my birthday, what I want, and as soon as they stop talking, I forget again. It’s as if there is no anticipation. It doesn’t mean anything to me, and I almost feel like it should. Yeah birthdays seem meaningless the older you get, but I’m only turning 20. I feel like I’m supposed to get super drunk and have a crazy night, but I’m going to a baseball game with my dad. Nothing special. I just wonder if the constant excitement found when others get 400 birthday messages is diminished because I will have none, and furthermore, I have no expectations for the big day either.
I don’t think this is Facebook’s doing. I think it is just me getting older and not finding the superficial excitement as necessary anymore. Either way, happy birthday to me.